Did you know that the Kennett Open Gym on Saturday nites is up and running again? Teens can go any Sat. from 5:30-9pm. supervision is through the Conway Police Prevention Team.
Interested in Decoding your Teen's Digital World? Check out http://www.theantidrug.com/
Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Starting Point: Services for Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence is celebrating Domestic Violence Awareness Month throughout October. This month is intended as a time for our community to learn more about domestic violence and how it concerns each of us whether directly or peripherally. Domestic Violence affects all aspects of a victim’s life, from their ability to perform at work to their ability to parent effectively or have healthy relationships later in life. One thing many of us don’t realize is how young victims and perpetrators of domestic violence can be.
Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend, and approximately one in five female high school students reports being abused by a dating partner (www.acadv.org). These astonishing statistics portray the reality of adolescent dating violence. Unfortunately domestic violence begins much earlier than any of us would like to imagine or acknowledge, and is significantly severe; in fact, in 1995, 7% of all murder victims were adolescent women killed by their partners (www.acadv.org).
Teen dating violence is a phenomenon that has become more and more visible in our national consciousness as victims begin to speak out and parents of victims begin to look for answers and resources to support their children. In this article I hope to increase a public understanding of the dynamics of teen dating violence as well as provide some suggestions for helping teens in abusive relationships.
An abusive relationship is comprised of a pattern of behaviors that coexist to create a controlling and unsafe environment for one partner. It is reliant on the abuser’s behavior and cannot be controlled or altered by the victim. There are many different behaviors that constitute several different kinds of abuse. Most of us acknowledge physical abuse, such as hitting, kicking, and burning, as dangerous and wrong. However, there are many other more subtly abusive behaviors that are equally damaging such as stalking, put downs, playing mind games, name calling, criticizing, public humiliation or embarrassment, unwanted or uncomfortable touching, forced sex, continual sexual advances, objectifying the victim, and coercing the victim to engage in uncomfortable or risky behaviors, threatening to commit suicide, smashing or throwing objects, threatening the victim or her loved ones, controlling who she sees and what she does, displaying extreme jealousy, destroying her personal property, or accusing her of things she didn’t do. All of these behaviors are abusive and when they are put together in a repeated system, they create a violent relationship that slowly degrades the victim’s sense of self and ability to reach out for support and assistance.
Abusers in teen dating violence relationships may be less likely to use significant physical force than adult abusers, or they may bruise the victim in areas that are not easy to see, such as on the stomach, thighs, or chest. This makes it less likely that they will be caught. Many teenaged victims of abusive relationships may take longer than adult victims to realize that what they are experiencing is abuse. Because this is their first experience with dating, they may not know the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships or consensual and non consensual sex.
Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender teens also experience dating violence at similar rates to their heterosexual counterparts. Violence in same sex relationships can be compounded by the abuser’s threat to out the victim or use society’s homophobia against him or her. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender teens may also be less likely to access services or speak out to an adult about their situation.
If you know someone who is in a violent relationship, the most important thing you can do is listen to her. Let her know that you support her, you are concerned for her safety, and that you will help her should she try to leave the situation. It can take victims a long time before they are able or ready to attempt to leave an abusive situation. Victims may feel responsible for their abusers’ emotions, they may want to help him ‘get better’, and they may feel truly unsafe if they attempt to leave. In fact, all victims of domestic and dating violence are at the highest risk of grave injury when they actually take steps to end the relationship.
As a parent you may need your own support network to help deal with the emotions and fear that come with knowing your child is in a dangerous relationship. Parents are at an advantage in many ways because you have an opportunity to provide guidance and guidelines for your children’s dating lives. Talk with your kids about dating violence, and let them know that you are a safe person to come to with questions or worries. If your kids won’t talk to you, try to get them in touch with a therapist or advocate who can provide support.
Starting Point: Services for Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence can offer teens and/or their parents support through a 24 Hour Crisis Line, can assist with obtaining restraining orders, maintains a resource library, and can be an important support and referral service. If you or someone you know is involved in a dating violence relationship call 1-800-336-3795 or visit www.reachoutnh.com.
The UNH Cooperative Extension has wonderful information for parents of children of all ages. For information on pre-teens and teens, starting at age 11, click this site. On their site there is information on topics such as :
- Normal behavior and physical changes
- Alcohol and drug use
- Depression
- Communication
- Effects of divorce on a teen
- And more!
If you are a Single Parent, UNH Cooperative Extension has valuable information on loss, divorce, custody, dating, communication with your children and much more.
http://ceinfo.unh.edu/Family/Parent/PARSP.htm
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If you have now become a blended family UNH Cooperative Extension has valuable information on Step-Families, with such topics as: communication, normal stages for all, and more.
http://ceinfo.unh.edu/Family/Parent/PARSTEP.htm
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If you are a Grandparent, click to get great information for you!
http://ceinfo.unh.edu/Family/Parent/PARGOR.htm
http://www.focusas.com/index.html
For Focus Adolescent Services. Might be a good resource, especially looking for residential teen programs
Also see social emotional section under Health.
